Randomness

1. couldn't sleep much last night damn dreams were to vivid, so i turned to our past aim conversations to keep me company

2. masturbation no longer amuses me, i now do it out of routine (i just don't cum like i used to)

3. i'm falling in love with your awkwardness and finding beauty in your flaws, crazy but they compliment mines

4. i've cried twice in the last two weeks, sigh

5. tom ford nuff said (genius) i've developed a crush on this old white man

6. i miss our old aim conversations, they now feel empty and forced. somewhere between the first capitalized letter and the last period something went missing. i just don't have the strength to find out what it was.

7. today i promise to get a good read in my new book of choice "gentleman jigger"

8. i wish those shoes would have hit bush dead in his face, or that i was the lucky man to throw them lol

9. jazmine sullivans rendition of "round midnight" has been doing something to as of lately

10. i have a crush of one of my fellow blogger's words, they force me to think and to think uninhibitedly, is it possible to have a crush on ones pen?

11. for the record i've never considered myself a writer or a poet...

12. my sexuality has been questioned often times in the past, i feel that i should not be little my existence to something as small as human sexuality, so from now on i will just state that i'm merely attracted to people...

13. ny seems to be the piece of me that i've always felt was missing, this city makes me happy beyond measure at the times when i feel like i cant smile

14. i asked you how many others had occupied the space in your bed that i was finding comfort in, you told me not to worry, you had washed the sheets after they left and their stories had been erased, -well how many stories have you erased? as i figured you lost count, referencing the teachings of your mother who taught you to love through intermingled sheets, and to erase well wash those whose stories didn't end well.

15. i can't fault you because your a writer and like some many others i fell in love with words that carried some many meanings, my translated meaning not being one of those that mattered

16. why am i tip toeing around the notion of love as if i'm preparing to have an affair...

Lyric

i read her words before the ink got a chance to dry

glided sweaty fingers over them running the risk of smearing,

but it was well worth it for a chance to get to feel her

i'd found myself tracing lyrics written journey on many occasions

although i could never account for the last few years,

i knew she was a major part in mine

Lyric had a way of inspiring the uninspired with her words and syntactical execution

although she didn't know it lyric had me at hello way back in 2000 sophomore year,

next to the telephone booth in the main hallway,

the same booth and hallway that housed so many of my peers stories

back then Lyric was into he not i

but i still watched her in amazement

she began to bloom and as time moved on so did our friendship and my love for her pen
now days i catch myself at 3am sipping hot tea staring at a screen spued with her words hoping

i catch a glimpse of me intertwined in them...

i've masturbated at the thought of you

gripped head board

legs spread

tangled sheets

eyes closed

lip bit

hand going from my nipple

to my navel

to my thigh

and back

i've repeated this journey several times

my hands have caressed ever inch of my body

i felt bolts as if you had caressed every inch of my body

i tensed in ecstacy as if you were caressing every inch of my body

in the end finding the source of my internal fire

and so with thoughts of you

i constructively caressed my lingman

i adjusted mirrors

so i could see me pleasing me

thinking of you

i wanted to become a voyeur of my own thoughts

obsessive

i seen with new eyes every time they opened

silhouettic images of you danced

at the flicker of the candle on my nightstand

i'd summoned you

head thrown back in ecstacy

i'd called out your name as if you could hear me

i closed my eyes a tear fell as i prayed to God

that you could

i'd turned my phone on loud

in hopes that he heard the preys

of my sexual frustration

and you would call......

and so i write

i do not mean

to exploit our relationship

all i have is my pen,

my 24yr old rugged tablet

and a constant reminder

of you tatted on the inner fold

of my hand between thumb and pointer finger

and so i write.......................

Today i realized that if i can't have you to myself
i'd rather be in your presence as an observer

choosing to stay stagnate

and watch as you continue to live

and i merely exist and slowly dwindle away.............

We made LOVE

We made love to the rhythm of Baracks victory, and dedicated it to our grandmothers and grandfathers who learned to love through depressions. Sweating out slave trades, blood soiled grounds,Mississippi trees and there strange fruits,the molestation of our culture as well as our queens, jim crow laws, needles placed placed in our hands to do destruction,flooded lands, and fallen towers we did this as a promise to our kids and our kids kids that they'd have there chance, we made love to let them know we would never turn back, never allow the depletion of our people happen again and just as God promised never to flood these lands again we promised never to hold our heads down for we have to much to keep our heads up for, made love so that our country could hear us so that she knows we will not let her forget our past but we would continue molding her future, we made love to drown out the horrid sound of bush politics. We made Loveand with each thrust and asthmatic breath we blessed our beloved country, thanked her for the blood, sweat, and tears that made us who we are, we told her to keep her forty acres and her old rugged mule,because we don't want it, we told her this time we'd willing allow the erection of the foundation of her new land to happen on our backs because we see it needs our strength. We made love. And just we emptied ourselves of life forms we called out the most highs name and thanked him, for we knew he was pleased and blessed our love. We found sweet slumber in front of a fire place in Harlemand we began to dream in color, in unison and in those dreams we continued to make LOVE!

ReBirth